Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows. It’s what the sunflowers do.– Helen Keller
Spring is in the air here in Ontario, or at least we hope it is. Forecast shows 5-10 cm of snow this coming Wednesday. I guess that’s expected. I remember getting snow in late May years ago. It’s so unpredictable.
It’s funny though, I woke up this morning in an off mood. It’s okay, it’s allowed. My sleep wasn’t all that great, and I felt rushed. Today is the first day of online school again here. Of course, I slept in, which made me feel even more rushed.
But, it was weird. I talked to my husband after about what I’m about to tell you, and I was like, “Wait, that’s a metaphor, isn’t it?!”
First thing, when I wake up, I’m one of those people who needs my nicotine. I know, it’s a bad habit, I wish I could quit, but now is not the time. It’s true what they say – it’s a psychological thing. When I’m ready, I will try again. So when I wake up, I take our puppy (Bruno) out to do his business, while my dog (Mimi) eats. I get my fresh air. I collect my thoughts for the day, and yes, I pick up dog poop!
The point of telling you this is to allow you to envision my routine. This morning, it was SO weird! When I opened the blinds in our living room, the sun was shining in. I was blinded by the sheer brightness peeking in through the windows.
I grab the leash, get Bruno, and out we go, through the back door. Picture this – me in sandals and a winter coat. Hair up in a bun and my face still covered with yesterday’s makeup. I grab my pack of cigarettes and pull one out. I go down the stairs, and as Bruno takes his first pee, I light my cigarette. We start walking.
As we walk through the path, I enjoy the fresh air, as my mind untangles about the lack of sleep I got and the mood I was in as I tried to get the kids awake. For those who do not know, my husband and I have seven kids between us – two are out on their own, and five are with us. Five teenagers. One week we have all five, and the other we have three. This week, we have all five. And this week, since we start online school again, it’s time to set a new routine.
Okay, I got a bit off topic there. Here’s what happened…as Bruno and I continued our little walk around, the sun faded away. The wind picked up, and the clouds started to roll in. It was almost like the universe felt my mood. I said to my husband, “It’s like as soon as I went outside, a storm came!”
Isn’t that weird?!
I mean, I’m in a better mood now. And guess what? The sun is shining again! I’ve had my nicotine, my coffee, and my morning bowel movement. Okay, maybe a little bit too much information, but truth is, we all go through it!
Sometimes though, I wonder what the universe is really trying to tell us. I don’t have answers to some questions the kids ask me, because I question it myself. As we are forced to stay home again in lockdown, I believe it is a good thing because we really do need to get this pandemic under control!
But as a parent going through this phase in life, we do worry. We worry about the safety of our children. We worry about what this means. Fact is, we worry about a lot of things…how can we not?! Especially when our loved ones are all involved?!
As I’ve said before and I say it again – it’s all about taking one day at a time. Taking deep breaths and being thankful for the small things – for the time we do have, with our loved ones. Some day, we will look back on this and it will be a memory. For some, it won’t be a happy memory, but for some it will.
There may be a storm or multiple storms, but the sun does shine. It will shine. I believe we need to make time to untangle our mind, and set it free…try to understand our feelings. Pain takes time to heal. Love takes time. Everything in life takes time, and if we allow the necessary time, things will start to make sense, and the sun will come out! Slowly, but surely.
Here, if you haven’t seen it yet, is an original song I wrote a year ago…
I hope you have a beautiful day!