And today, if all you did was hold yourself together, I’m proud of you.
– Charles Bukowski
Today, I am proud of me!And I am proud of you all for what you have accomplished, thus far!
Sometimes, we are all faced with challenges we have no idea how we are going to overcome.
For the people who experience anxiety, thoughts run through our minds that make us believe that we are not going to make it. That we are not good enough. That it is our fault. That we are wrong. That we are not worth it.
I remember the morning when I had to call in sick for work. I remember it all too clearly. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to face people at work, a place where I had been for 12 years at the time.
I had NO energy.I had NO motivation.
In my head, I had NO reason to go to work.I was tired. Tired of trying, tired of doing it all.
That morning, I had managed to get the kids off to school. But instead of continuing my regular route to work, I turned around and went back home. I crawled into a little ball and cried, my back against the wall. I remember it all too clearly.
I couldn’t breathe.I couldn’t stop crying.I was literally, a mess.
I couldn’t handle the stress anymore.I couldn’t handle the fact that I was losing my vision.
The walk scared me – the fear of getting hit or bumping into something (or someone). The fear of not being a good enough mom for my kids. The fear of not being able to pay the bills. The fear of not being loved again. And yes, the fear of my ex-husband taking my girls away from me.
That was in 2014, and a lot has happened since then. I never was able to go back to work. My anxiety and depression overcame me. I constantly worried about my girls. Yes, perhaps a nervous breakdown, but wow, at 35 years old? Seriously? How do you figure?
I even tried reconciling with my ex-husband, for all the wrong reasons though. I thought we could find love again and do what could be best for the girls, but we were better parents apart than together. I couldn’t be in a relationship for the wrong reasons – it wasn’t right to do that – to myself or my girls.
Fast forward a bit, and I moved back home to the country with my parents, because in that moment, it was the best decision I made. And now, I don’t regret a moment of it! Married again, blended family, new friends, and new beginnings. You can see my article here about how I met my husband here.
You see, I was fearful of a lot of things, and even today, I still have fears. The fears won’t truly ever go away; BUT, I can manage them better. I talk about it, instead of keeping it all bottled in, and I do what I can to fix the situation!
Although sometimes it may be hard to understand why I think the way I do; I still hold myself together.
I tend to worry too much. I tend to apologize too much. However, I’m not the only one, right?!
The thing is, I know there will always be “something”. And that’s okay. I can live with that. I can accept it. Because at the end of the day, life is too short. There HAS to be and IS a way to keep moving forward!!
I also know that not everything in life is perfect, and “stuff” happens.The thing is, we cannot expect things to be “fine” all the time.We make mistakes. We are human.
We just must do the best we can with what we’ve got, appreciate the time we have, and that’s all!
Take time to pause.
Go for walks.