Anxiety, My Thoughts

What is a solution to avoid the shadows?

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. It’s what sunflowers do.” – Helen Keller

Easier said than done, right?
But what about, what about, what about…?!

The thing is, if we choose to be optimistic about the future, then it helps to avoid the bad crap, and from allowing it to suck us in. I say the word “helps” because not everything in life comes easy to some people. But baby steps can help us to focus on our current life events, even if challenges arise, and we figure out a way to face those challenges head on. Somehow. Some way.

I am one of those people that when things are said, they stick with me. When actions are taken, they stick with me. And sure, it can be a great thing, but it is also a not-so-great thing sometimes. Yet, each turn in life, there is always some kind of explanation. Whether good or bad, and I guess it is considered a learning curve, right?

But then I find myself asking …

Is it a blessing? Or a lesson?

I mean, every experience and every issue handed to us is something we must grasp, and comprehend. But there’s always the question as to why? There’s always that anxious part of the mind that asks the same, repeated questions – “Why do particular things happen when they do?” and, “What in hell is it supposed to mean?!”

And then there’s the question (or maybe statement), when others are involved, whether it be with the people you know, or as a society, “Well, if they do it, why can’t I?”

I believe that this can be a very dangerous question.

Let me share one of my videos with you, kind of describing this kind of situation…

Now when it comes to my children, it’s a different story. And trust me, I’m not going to go and just jump off a bridge, intentionally! I did do the bungee jumping, the zip-lining, the jumping out of an airplane; yes BUT, that was to overcome my fears and to feel the adrenaline rush!

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But, wait. What about when it comes to people we love? Our family? People we call friends? What happens when something is said and all you can think about is that situation, at that time, and how it affected you. And even though it’s in the past and done, new circumstances appear and that moment in the past, comes back in your mind all over again. Then, that same fear creeps in. The doubt. The anxiety. And before you know it, your mind is all tangled, once again…

Here is the question of all questions – how can it affect you, even now, after it has all been said and done?! And wait, how DOES it affect you?! Here’s my theory:

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What happens is, that it affects your TODAY.

It affects current relationships.
It affects your mood.
It affects your mentality.
It affects your emotions.
It affects you physically.

Oh yeah, those ten extra pounds – how did they creep up so fast?! Oh, and people who think you’re “losing” it – when one minute you’re laughing and smiling, and then the next minute, you’re crying or frustrated…yep!

Hmmmm…maybe it’s that time of month again?!

And let’s not forget about spiritually as well, where you question yourself as to, “Is there really a God, or someone higher”?

But listen, it doesn’t mean you are going crazy nor does it mean you are crazy!! It just means that, you have your fears. It just means that some things in life, stick with you more than sometimes you would like them to. And it means that you hope the people who do understand you, will have the patience TO understand you!

Okay, so you get the point, or rather you get my point. And please remember, this is only my point of view. I am NO expert, by all means. I only speak from experience, and more so, my heart.

Basically, it feels like you are running so fast, like on a hamster wheel – spinning and spinning – until you lose control and then spin out of control!!

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So how do we gain control? How do we get back on that damn hamster wheel, and keep composed while still maintaining our daily lives?

Do we talk about these issues that keep coming up in our minds? Do we really, really, untangle our minds, and set it free? Or is it better just to stay quiet, and hope that eventually, the thoughts will go away? This would be when we could take a “shath” – my way of taking a shower and bath at the same time (something that totally helps me ease my mind!!). And no, “shath” is not an English word!!

Other ways to clear the mind is to meditate – take a walk, read a book, do some writing, listen to music … music is always so soothing … here is one of my favourite calming songs.

I know I’ve said this before, but I’m saying it again because saying it over and over helps keep the positive thoughts in the mind!

I believe a lot of this has to do with…
Self-image.
Self-love.
Self-acceptance.
Self-care.
Self-everything.

If you cannot accept who you are, or try to help yourself to overcome these fears and get help, it is going to be very hard for you to look towards the sunshine…You HAVE to love yourself, because deep down is the real you and you ARE special. You ARE important. You ARE unique in your own way. We all are. Failures and all. It doesn’t mean we stop. It doesn’t mean we doubt. It doesn’t mean we give up.

Instead of looking at all the wrongs in life, we have to look at all the rights. All the good things. The things that did, and do, bring happiness to us!!

Even though again, my vision seems like it is going downhill (in other words, more narrow) – I have my children to keep me busy. I have my Tik Tok videos to keep my mind thinking of new ideas to act silly – truth is, I only have to look at a small screen – it is well within my peripheral vision 😉. Meh, it makes me smile to do these things, and I am hopeful it can bring others joy in their tough times, not just this whole Coronavirus thing!!

Yes, I worry about the things I am experiencing now. I worry about why my mind gets all tangled up. But then I realize that, I am me. I am no one special, but me. I think things the way I do because that’s just me. At the end of the day, if someone doesn’t understand the way I think – I can’t do anything about it. I’m not crazy for thinking things the way I do. I’m not wrong, and maybe I’m not 100% completely right. But I have my reasons for those thoughts.

It doesn’t justify who I am. We all have our different battles, some more so than others…we just have to continue to be ourselves and push forward!!

I brought up my vision because there are a lot of things I “miss”. And when I say “miss”, I don’t mean in the way that, “Oh, I miss going on trips…”. I’ve been fortunate enough to have many experiences in my lifetime – with and without my children.

I mean in the way that I “visually” miss things. A lot of people today are so hung up on the fact that they are not able to “go out”. Well, I am one of those people that actually don’t see a difference, as I am sure there are a lot of those people – especially those dealing with mental health challenges or vision loss. As I’ve said it before and I say it again…we are all in this together. There are some people who don’t have the courage to step outside the doors even in their every day life, know what I mean? Some people due to illnesses can’t step out their doors. Life can be challenging in different ways for anyone and everyone!

The only change for me is that I have the children 24-7 which really isn’t a bad thing because there is noise in the house now. There is action. There is love and beauty, even when mom gets frustrated at times!

My every day situation of sending the kids to school and being home – it’s quiet. Sure, now the routine is out of whack in the sense of timing, but we manage. Is it perfect? NO!!! I will tell you this though – we are fortunate to have a roof over our head, clothing to wear, food to eat. And that, I am so thankful for!!

I never went out if I didn’t have to. I stayed home and I still stay home. Why? Because unfortunately, my lack of vision and the extremity of my anxiety (at times), keeps me put. But it’s OKAY. It’s not the end of the world! And I can’t cry about it…well wait, I can. I have. But, I keep telling myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! That it’s just a phase. And I do what I do to keep pushing forward, day by day. I hope those reading this, can find some resolution to help them to keep pushing forward, as hard as it may seem!

Here, to end this, I will post this piano piece – because I love the song, and it’s peaceful!! We are not alone in this world. We all have “something” and it doesn’t give anyone the right to judge another just because they seem “happy” and are “smiling”. You just never know what their story is. Offer kindness, gratitude. Even a virtual hug goes a long way!!

Peace and love to you all! ❤️

Remember to check out my site https://coil.com/u/theminduntangled for more of my writing and also my videos at https://www.cinnamon.video/theminduntangled!

Let’s untangle our mind, and set it free…

Sandra Scala

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